14. Attachment Styles in Adult Relationships

In this week’s podcast episode, Lisa talks about the different  attachment styles in adult relationships and she explains why knowing one’s attachment style is very helpful in navigating relationships.   Suggestions are provided for steps to take toward more securely attached relationships. Give this episode a listen if you’re wanting to learn more about this topic.

Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

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KEY TAKEAWAYS

(1:31) This conversation was introduced to Lisa through the book, “Attached.”

(3:22) The Attachment Theory may relate to more areas than you think. Hear a handful of them.

(5:27) Let's chat about the three attachment styles. First, the anxious attachment style.

(5:58) Anxious attachment style is super sensitive. Uniquely can sense when their relationship is threatened

(7:17) Activating strategies for anxious types.

(7:59) Second, the avoidant attachment style.

(8:39) Avoidants are generally less happy and less satisfied in relationships but can learn to change.

(11:08) Deactivating strategies from Avoidant Types.

(13:26) Lastly, let’s chat about the secure attachment style.

(13:52) Research shows that the best predictor to happiness in a relationship is a secure attachment style.

(14:07) Results of a study on university students looking at attachment styles and relationships over 4 months.

(14:40) Buffering effect which occurred when 1 secure partner was present.

(14:59) Hear the results from a study on the three attachment styles.

(15:07) 3 ways of providing a secure base in adopting secure behaviors with a partner.

(16:16) Take home message from authors.

QUOTABLE

“When you’re excited about someone, your objectivity with be compromised and you will be more likey to see things is a “rosey” way.”

“Uncovering your partner’s attachment style will allow you to better understand the particular challenges that you will face as a couple.”

“You’re only as troubled as the relationship you’re in.” -Amir, Heller

“Activating strategies are any thoughts and feelings that compel you to get close physically or emotional with a partner.”

“Avoidants are not open books and they tend to repress vs. express emotions.”

“The best predictor for happiness in a relationship is a secure attachment style.”

“Relationships should not be left to chance. Relationships are one of the most rewarding of human experiences.”

 

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